This was such a great read. Although I fear the people who need to hear it won’t take the time to read or have the willingness to understand 🥲
I actually saw some of your cheese thread in my feed and never once thought either of you were flirting. Cheese discussion is always to be taken seriously.
But gosh now I’m wondering how many people have mistaken my conversations for flirting… Wait. Am I hitting on you right now?
You know I I wrestled internally with this question myself
It started with me automatically, trying to edit any sort of communication that I would have just so it wouldn’t come across as me having Ulterior motives
So at that point, maybe it is just projection in my own head
That kind of changes when I get external validation or questioning from people
Where my already Edited message is still getting Interpreted As flirtatious
So perhaps that’s the Overgeneralization that I projected, That it is universally viewed as Flirtatious
But I still think it stands that this is a pretty common feeling from my side of the discussion.
I don’t think we should have to shrink ourselves for other people unless it is actually making them feel unsafe, and it seems you have a decent barometer of that. Not looking at kids in dance class so they feel comfortable in their safe space is reasonable (although sad it has to be considered). But editing your response to normal human conversation in a public forum on the internet is overkill imo
There is such a difference between a conversation about a topic and a pickup line. I have received so many of the "I love your posts. You have such a nice smile. I've tried to send a friend request, but it didn't go through, so would you send me one so we can chat?"
What I read from your posts, you asked reasonable questions, you were given reasonable and generous answers, and then the grocery store post was a confirmation of your following advice. Not flirting. Conversation. Not slimy. Not fake or phishing.
I hope someone will get the idea that women are not against men, as you suggest, but are against being treated like vending machines, as Sylvia Plath suggested, put in enough fake kindness to get sex out.
Also I agree. You don’t owe anything to anyone just because they showed up. Listening first is just common curtesy. Honest conversation is the currency for emotional connection.
Havarti is a soft, creamy cheese, sort of like munster, but not ripened like brie. I make Mac and Cheese with mild and sharp cheap cheddar grocery store brand, always baked, sometimes with chopped greens in.
From a woman's perspective, there is sometimes the flip side of this debacle that can emerge. This performative unease that can creep in when a conversation gets too long, even when you can feel in your bones that the exchange is innocent. Thinking you need to rein it in. To not lead the dude on. I try to ignore it, to understand that I'm dealing with human being and not a caricature of a man. That requires real respect and trust that is given implicity, then revoked when/if necessary. Some men are gonna be creepy, sure. Some women are too. But so much is lost when we assume that connection is always a means to an end. Thanks for writing this. It was really good. I love how you dig in.
This was such a great read. Although I fear the people who need to hear it won’t take the time to read or have the willingness to understand 🥲
I actually saw some of your cheese thread in my feed and never once thought either of you were flirting. Cheese discussion is always to be taken seriously.
But gosh now I’m wondering how many people have mistaken my conversations for flirting… Wait. Am I hitting on you right now?
Hi happy thank you so much for commenting
You know I I wrestled internally with this question myself
It started with me automatically, trying to edit any sort of communication that I would have just so it wouldn’t come across as me having Ulterior motives
So at that point, maybe it is just projection in my own head
That kind of changes when I get external validation or questioning from people
Where my already Edited message is still getting Interpreted As flirtatious
So perhaps that’s the Overgeneralization that I projected, That it is universally viewed as Flirtatious
But I still think it stands that this is a pretty common feeling from my side of the discussion.
And if you are flirting with me I’m flattered
Tee hee
🫣
Nahg
I don’t think we should have to shrink ourselves for other people unless it is actually making them feel unsafe, and it seems you have a decent barometer of that. Not looking at kids in dance class so they feel comfortable in their safe space is reasonable (although sad it has to be considered). But editing your response to normal human conversation in a public forum on the internet is overkill imo
Well written and rooted in truth. Really enjoyed this 🤝
like Abbey said, I love this and thank you for writing it! it is appreciated for sure 🫶
Really really loved this. Also thank you for writing it
There is such a difference between a conversation about a topic and a pickup line. I have received so many of the "I love your posts. You have such a nice smile. I've tried to send a friend request, but it didn't go through, so would you send me one so we can chat?"
What I read from your posts, you asked reasonable questions, you were given reasonable and generous answers, and then the grocery store post was a confirmation of your following advice. Not flirting. Conversation. Not slimy. Not fake or phishing.
I hope someone will get the idea that women are not against men, as you suggest, but are against being treated like vending machines, as Sylvia Plath suggested, put in enough fake kindness to get sex out.
Well done. And I like Gouda and Havarti.
Also I agree. You don’t owe anything to anyone just because they showed up. Listening first is just common curtesy. Honest conversation is the currency for emotional connection.
Ooo havarti is nice. 👍
If I remember correctly is softer than and milder than cheddar. Good cracker cheese. 🧀
I think I’ve put in out Mac and cheese recipe too, as our wild card cheese.
Thanks for the comment.
Cheers.
Stay crispy!
Nahg
Havarti is a soft, creamy cheese, sort of like munster, but not ripened like brie. I make Mac and Cheese with mild and sharp cheap cheddar grocery store brand, always baked, sometimes with chopped greens in.
hmm. Greens are a wild card.
Not against it totally, (I’ll eat almost anything) but I guess
I’m a Mac and cheese traditionalist, albeit Elevated.
Nahg
I don’t like them, but with enough M&C, they are just confetti.
From a woman's perspective, there is sometimes the flip side of this debacle that can emerge. This performative unease that can creep in when a conversation gets too long, even when you can feel in your bones that the exchange is innocent. Thinking you need to rein it in. To not lead the dude on. I try to ignore it, to understand that I'm dealing with human being and not a caricature of a man. That requires real respect and trust that is given implicity, then revoked when/if necessary. Some men are gonna be creepy, sure. Some women are too. But so much is lost when we assume that connection is always a means to an end. Thanks for writing this. It was really good. I love how you dig in.
You’re right there are no right answers. Just the continued request for more information and connection.
Whew, long AF but worth it!
Yeah I don't tend to make short reads.
Too much to say.. and don't really want to draw it out.
I like to think of it as dropping a whole season at once.
Cheers!
Stay Crispy!