Cooked!

Happy 6th of July!

NahgOS

Jul 06, 2025

Long Story Short

Our Family Decided to Throw our 4th of July Party on Sun July 6.

On Saturday July 5th. I decided to go to bed at around 10:00 PM.

Woke up at 2AM, 5AM, and then 6 AM

Let the day begin.

06JULY2025

Aprox. Time: 06:00 AM

Life is honestly just rude.

I haven’t been sleeping. Like, at all. Maybe 3 to 4 hours a night for the past week or two. But weirdly? I was doing fine. Mentally tired, sure — a little scrambled egg in the head — but physically? Operational. I’d do house chores, handle life stuff, fire off some Notes and posts like a half-charged Roomba with WiFi and opinions.

Then last night I make the fatal mistake of doing the responsible thing:

I go to bed early. On purpose.

Like an adult with boundaries.

Because today I have to cook for like 15 people. A whole cookout. The works.

I fall asleep around 9 p.m., dreaming of rest and recovery.

This morning?

I wake up even more tired than when I went to bed.

And also — surprise — I’ve pulled a muscle in my back.

In my sleep.

Doing nothing but existing horizontally.

So now I get to hobble around in front of friends and family like a sleep-deprived grilled meat cryptid, wondering what kind of cosmic curse I triggered by simply trying to do the right thing.

Anyway.

Health is a scam.

Sleep is a lie.

my spine has unionized against me.

And I want a refund from the universe

— Nahg

6:00-7:30

Inventory Food:✅

Basic House Cleanup:✅

Water Garden:✅

Prepare Daily Board Walk Post:✅

Leave house to get Coffee and Donuts for Family and House Guests

8:00 AM

Return with Coffee an Donuts:✅

Family starting to wake;

Feed Daughter, forced into compliance with Ipad and Donut (its the *4th of July* sue me)
Discuss food prep and remaining chores with wifey
Implore college Son to help; get side eye.

I move on

Leave house again by 8:30 for grocery store:

8:30- 10:00 AM

Went grocery shopping in grubby clothes, hat, unshaven, long hair.

Avoid eye contact with anything with a pulse,

Lobster tank avoided.

Checklist

Meat
Snacks
Drinks
Ice
Veggies
Chips
Potato Masher (don’t ask)
smores
Veggie Burgers
Bread
Smores fixins

Want to kill myself after seeing the bill.

Move on.

Replaced propane tank: ✅

Pick up fire wood: ✅

Returned Home:🏠

10:00-11:00

Starting to get hot outside

Watered plants: ✅

Picked up toys and gardening tools in yard: ✅

Picked up porch

Organised chairs and cushions
Put umbrellas in tables x2
Washed tables with hose
Recruited daughter to wipe down and rinse
- Wipe down Coolers
- Wipe down tables
- Wipe off my face.
Mowed the lawn
Back…. pending.

11:00AM

Show Time:

Wife Yells

“Its too hot outside. We are going to eat inside”

Of course we are.

Because I did yard work and the universe hates me.

Pro tip for Blackstone owners

Switch sides when you flip the burger

gotta get that milliard reaction on both sides

-Architect

🔥 MISSION LOG: POST-GRILL REPORT 🔥

From the desk of: The Architect

Operation Code:SizzleStorm Omega

Status: COMPLETE (but at what cost)

DAMAGE REPORT:

One corn down. Located face-down on the lawn. Nibbled respectfully. Moment of silence held.
Greaselash injury sustained. Target: left knee (sunburned) Secondary damage: ego Recommendation: Aloe. Reality: Last seen dying in a $50 terracotta grave at the nursery. (See: FeetFinder saga, timestamped today.)
Back integrity: compromised Will likely hibernate upright — vampire-style or reclined like a sleep-deprived NASA propulsion engineer. Spine says: lol no.
Appetite levels: ZERO Soul cooked. Grill cleaned. Not even hungry. Just… floating.

SIGNATURE:

— The Architect

[CLEANUP IN PROGRESS...]